I'm still alive.... Barely!

Well its finally come and gone and I have only one thing to say: "Ouch!"

I sit here writing this with a jug of water and a box of Milk Thistle tablets next to me.

If there's ever been a reason not to marry more than once, it has to be the bachelor party. It all started off ever so famously. My best man picked me up at 08:30 on Saturday morning and even though the venue for the festivities was suppose to be a surprise, I knew we were going to Sun City. Until, that is, we started driving in completely the wrong direction.

But alas we were going to Sun City. We just weren't going by car. So 20 mins later I was standing in the departure hall of Grand Central Airport waiting to walk out to our Bell 407 Helicopter which was waiting on the runway. Needless to say this was the same helicopter that flew our president around during the elections.

All I can say is I have put a helicopter on my Christmas wishlist. I even did some flying and I was told by the pilot I'm a natural. I think he was just being nice though.

After a brisk 30 min flight we landed at Sun City and after some breakfast we met up with the rest of the bachelor party to watch SA beat AUS in the rugby. But you have to wear the proper attire to watch the rugby and so I was ordered into some cute black lingerie, a red sparkly stetson hat and some green speckled g-string contraption over my nether region and that is how I spent most of the weekend. I can honestly say I looked pretty.

That was until I was mugged by an Acacia tree. I was still pulling thorns out my arm and other areas of my body4 hours later. Damn tree! I never knew they moved so quickly.

Oh did I mention I stayed in the presidential suite at the Cascades. It's the only place I've been to with telephones next to the toilet. It adds a whole new perspective on ordering room service.

Needless to say between Saturday and Monday I consumed enough alcohol to keep Ireland going for a week. I did however lose all my chest hair, my eyebrows however stayed intact. Even though at about 10pm on Saturday night they were on the endangered list. And if my mates hadn't used all the razor blades on my chest I think they would be extinct today.

Apparently I'm the only person to swim in the lake around the Cascades restaurant in a red stetson hat and black lingerie. I'm just wondering how the parents explained the sight of a inebriated man with no chest hair and a hat swimming in the black water of the Cascade hotel to their kids as they walked past. I did however manage to get out the water before Security was called.

I'm still very stiff and have some very interesting bruises which I'm trying to remember how they got there.

And so it has taken me two days to recover and I'm still feeling very tender. I hope never to drink again. I know you've heard that one before but really I dont think I can ever drink again. Ever.

p.s. I apologise for any spelling mistakes. I have tried to locate them all but I still don't trust myself.